....

I took the kids to the park today...they were so excited. After we had played on the playground for a bit, I thought I would coax them into a good group photo... the lower half of the triptych But they saw the water and dogs... so instead my son took a swim, and we left muddy wet, and screaming ( I wasn't screaming, but I wanted to).

Lately I have been noticing that so many women are singing praises about their girlfriends, and their networks of sisters. And I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy. I am not feeling pity for myself, but I am very curious.  I have never let myself have any really good girl friends, or guy friends -- Kjeld being the exception.

Perhaps that has to do to my early years, and lack of "normal" social interactions.  I never really developed those skills needed to fully connect with people. I know etiquette, and how to be friendly, but that's where it seems to end.  I am so insecure, that it takes me so long to really let people know me...in the past when they  had gotten to that point they had "stabbed me in the back" so to speak.  And now I just can't seem to open up enough with people.  I am so scared (I don't know what of) that I speak like a lunatic, or not at all.  I have recently realized how guarded I have been with Kjeld! -- It is amazing what you can learn new things about your self after so many years.

I feel a bit guilty, I have been meeting so many wonderful people, and I just cannot open myself up.  And then I avoid these people! It is ridiculous.  Sometimes it sounds like it would be fun to go out and take silly pictures, or just have some girl talk.  But as I always seem to place myself, I am on the outside, looking in... curiously. I wonder if I will ever just get over it?!  It is so easy to just hang out with my best friend.  I don't know if I am resolving to make a friend, or how I would even do that.  I am simply voicing my curiosity. Maybe I am still learning how to open up to myself?!